Hartford and Poughkeepsie
Though I was now in a tumultuous relationship, I vowed no relationship would keep me from seeing Lemmy or restrict any sexual involvement I might choose to have with him. I had always regretted that I didn’t let Lemmy seduce me the first time I saw him after twenty years. After nearly 20 years of a restrictive marriage I wouldn’t make that mistake again.
Tom was a wild man and a raging alcoholic and yet still sweet in many ways. But that’s another story, in fact written in a book called “Romantic Misadventures Confessions of the Patron Saint of Losers and Falling Down Drunks.”
After years of refusing to take him to a Motorhead show, it seemed impossible to say no any longer. Motorhead would be in Hartford CT, at a small venue. Phil knew I was coming and bringing Tom. Tom rode his motorcycle down to Connecticut in hopes that Lemmy, Phil, and Mickey would sign the tank. His friend Jay was with him, a musician wanting to meet the band. They were open to visitors and we were the only people there to see them. Meeting Tom and Jay, Lemmy was friendly, but I could tell he wasn’t really happy about it. It shows in the photo I took that day, Lemmy having a look of disbelief on his face that I would bring this guy to meet him. That finger was for me! It was very uncomfortable and I immediately regretted my giving in to Tom.
I was wearing a Victoria’s Secret bustiere’ encrusted with beads that transformed my body into something spectacular. I wore it with a jacket, so my decolletage was highlighted. It was stunning! Having ordered it online, when it was first delivered I put it on and I actually gasped as I saw my reflection in the mirror. At a later date, when I was working as a costumer for Commonwealth Opera I used that bustier to costume the actor playing Morgana in the musical Camelot. After her boyfriend saw the dress rehearsal, he asked her “Whose body was that?” This bustiere was something else!
It was embarrassing to have Tom there with Lemmy, especially because he kept calling me “honey”. I never liked him calling me by terms of endearment, always having “one foot in the water” so to speak, with my relationship with Tom, but more importantly, I didn’t want it to be obvious to Lemmy that I was involved with Tom. Lemmy was the love of my life even if we never had an actual “relationship”. I went on with my life, married, had children, and relationships but Lemmy was never forgotten. I was always painfully aware that he had his path and I had mine and we could only connect from time to time.
Tom and Jay made themselves at home, being rather loud and feeling entitled to be there and drinking way too much beer and Lem’s Jack Daniels. Jay and Lemmy had some conversation about music which Lemmy seemed to enjoy. Though Lemmy was polite, I’d say for my sake, the photos are telling. He was not happy. He’s always said “There’s such a thing as manners” and these guys had overstepped the band’s hospitality. He complained to me at the end of the night about their behavior and believe me, I let them know they embarrassed me. I told Tom that I would be going to see Lemmy the next night in Poughkeepsie….alone. Jay was apologetic and gave me a rare album of his that he and Lemmy had talked about that afternoon to give to Lem as an apology.
So, I drove all the way to Poughkeepsie the next afternoon. Lemmy was inviting and hospitable when I arrived at the venue. I found myself alone with Lem in the backstage room. He was pleased that Jay had made amends, appreciating the gifted album, and said no more of it. He might have understood the predicament for me the day before.
After some pleasantries he asked me straightforwardly “Have your breasts gotten bigger or was that the bustiere?”
Not a little surprised by the question I looked down at myself, now in a violet and pink flowered corset. I looked back up at Lem and said “Both”.
After a moment I added, somewhat under my breath, “I can’t believe you noticed.”
“I was trying not to with ‘Young Studley’ there” he responded flatly. It was in this moment I realized fully that he was actually jealous of Tom.
Now I was really regretting that I let Tom talk me into letting him meet Lemmy.
I sighed, then took a deep breath and began. “Lem, do you remember when we met?”, I asked him.
“No, not really, the 60’s are a bit of a blur” he said.
I told him the story of meeting in front of the magic mirror on Earls Court Road and how he just took my hand and walked away with me without a word between us.
Reflectively he said “Aw Cyn…that’s a good story. Even if it wasn’t me it’s a good story.”
“Lem, I continued, don’t you know that everyone is jealous of you? Everyone in my life has known how I feel about you and every man in my life has been jealous of you. You know that quote about a first kiss: “ It was the kiss by which all others will be judged and found wanting”?
“I think that’s Shakespeare” he mused. (It’s not … Stephen King wrote it in Hearts in Atlantis, but I had always wondered if it was originally a Shakespeare quote that was used in the movie)
“Well, for me, that’s you” I said. “No one will ever live up to you in my life. And Tom, like everyone else I’ve ever had a relationship with has been incredibly jealous of you”
“Well, he’s gonna be!” Lem said as he laid his hand on me cupping one side of my breast, then slid his hand down and around my waist pulling me in to kiss him.
I remember the looks from Mickey and his friends visiting him when Lem and I emerged from his private room. Mickey also had Mia, Max, and Marcus with him. The boys were delightful of course as was Mia.
“Whatcha been doing” Mickey asked me with a twinkle in his eye. I just smiled.
Mickey’s friends and I were ushered to the tiny backstage area while the band got ready to play. There was so little room we were standing right next to Mickey’s platform looking out at the crowd. The balcony was lined with large men with crew cuts, arms outstretched, bowing to Lemmy in unison and chanting “Lemmy, Lemmy, Lemmy”. We heard they were all from the Poughkeepsie Police Department.
It was late into the night when I left Lemmy and I was facing a long drive home. I had no idea how to get out of here. There were no signs to lead me to the highway heading back to Massachusetts and nothing was open to stop for directions. I was driving in circles and getting nowhere. I was feeling nervous, and exasperated with the situation. Up ahead I saw a tall black man huddling in his winter coat on the side of the road. He seemed to be my only hope of getting out of this dirty old town so I pulled up to him.
“Excuse me, can you guide me to the highway heading to New England?” I asked him when he leaned down to the open window.
He started giving me directions but stopped and said, “You know, I’m going to a motel right near your turnoff. If you give me a lift I can get ya right there.”
This seemed like a dangerous idea but to tell you the truth I was too polite to say no, so I leaned over and unlocked the door and he climbed in.
“What are you doing in Poughkeepsie so late?” he asked as he pointed the way.
“I came to see a band I replied, friends of mine. It was great, but I’m pretty tired now, and I’ve got a long way to go (if I ever get out of this hellhole!) I thought to myself.
“What have you been doing tonight?” I asked in return.
“Oh I’ve been smoking angel dust all night” he said matter of factly.
“Man, this can’t be good” I thought, trying not to get unnerved, especially when he lead us downward on some weird circular underpass that seemed a rather desolate road unlikely to lead us to the highway.
“What have I gotten myself into? I thought. This was a big guy sitting next to me in my little pseudo sports car. There were a lot of stories in the news at this time about angel dust making people uncontrollably crazy and I was getting worried. I did my best to be optimistic rather than skeptical and suspicious of this complete stranger. Once we got back to a more traveled road I felt a bit safer.
But in the end nothing nefarious happened and soon he said “Ok, you can let me out here” pointing to a motel. “Just take that right up there and it will put you on your way” he said as he got out of the car. He closed the door as I breathed a sigh of relief. Then he bent down again as he had when I first pulled up to him, leaned in the window and with a broad smile said, “I think this went pretty well, don’t you?”
“Yes, it did,” I answered smiling weakly, relieved I hadn’t been raped or murdered. And I found my way home thanks to him.